i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
