And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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