Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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