How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
