when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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