Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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