Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want her autograph on my taint
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
