I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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