I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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