i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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