she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
