'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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