I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
