I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
