i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
