Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
