I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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