My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
