So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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