I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
