This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
