dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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