i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
