how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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