So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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