so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
