Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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