I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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