Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
