I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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