God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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