So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
