marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
