he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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