Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
pray to the hookup gods
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
