So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
