Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
