Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
