Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
