...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
