i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
