I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
is it fun? or sober?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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