I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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