This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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