Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
