ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
