so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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