Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you made out with another girl for some wings
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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