Who did Billy Mays play for?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
