He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
