sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
