we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
