so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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