I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
