wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
